I admit it!

Okay, so have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought, wow...why can't mine be that great??? I don't know what it is about some of my family members but they just seem to have it all and it makes me jealous. I know that probably isn't the right way to be. I try not to think about it but sometimes it just slaps me in the face. I know that what appears to be on the outside isn't always how it is for real. Trust me do I ever understand that. It's like someone telling you that they have a check made out to you for a million dollars and then it turns out that that isn't true....Oh wait...I have had that happen...hhhmmm..maybe I do know something about this.

Looking back on this year...there has been some major crap happen in Tony and I's life. We started the year off rocky. Neither of us had decent jobs. I had to quit mine so that I could be home for Grandpa's funeral. I knew that it was important for me to be there. I was really close to him. I felt like he was the only constant man in my life...that is until I met Tony. I don't blame my mom for that. She's had it rough too but to lose the only man that has consistenly been there for me throughout everything...it was hard....crap...who am I kidding....it's still hard. Although it is a little easier with Tony around.

Let's see...what else happened this year...Oh yeah, we almost got evicted twice. I worked in fast food for the first time in my entire life....will NEVER do that again. I had my dream job working in a scrapbook store but then got laid off. I became homeless. The state of MO and OK took child support out of my husband's check at the same time. He literally brought home less than $200 every two weeks. Some of my family members have made life a little hellish. I was promised a whole lot of things by someone that I trusted dearly to have that thrown in my face. All of my DVD's, playstation 2 games, PS2 and my TV got stolen. Almost lost most of our stuff because our roommate bailed out on us. Yeah...this year has completely sucked. But, we did get to come home. That's something we wanted to do more than anything. Tony will be the first to tell you, the two years that we spent in Tulsa were harder than the 4 he spent in the Navy. Yeah....that's how tough it was.

I can't believe that this year is almost over. In a way I'm very glad for this new year to come...It couldn't be any worse than this year. We are now back in MO and loving every minute of it. I have some wonderful hobbies that I thoroughly enjoy. They are something that my mom and I love to do so we can spend time together working on craft projects. My mom and I have discovered the love of jewelry making...beading some would call it. A lot of fond memories are had while mom and I are working on different projects. It's been fun. I have discovered that even though things had been really hard in Tulsa, there is something to be said about coming home.

I'm glad to be back in Missouri. I am glad to be able to spend a lot of time with my Grandma...this is something that I will treasure. I have a great relationship with her...no matter what some of the family says. I love my Grandma dearly. She's got it rough...it's gotta be just horrible to not be able to remember something and not know that you can't remember it. I can't imagine what that's like. Just as I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have this time to spend with her. Sure things can get a little rough...hello...does the term "alternate reality" mean anything to anyone??? But here's the thing...I know more about my grandma and have experienced more than any other family member...other than my mom and george. I can tell my kids...if i have any...what a fabulous lady their great grandma was.

So while some of my family members have a hard time with Tony and I being here....i don't really care what you think. I love my Grandmother. I would never do anything to hurt her.

Okay, off of that subject. It's like 3am and I really need to go to bed. It's going to be another long day. Thanks for letting me vent!! Sorry if my ramblings are annoying but hey, it is my blog!